I hear people, particularly black people, making comments along the lines of this one: People see what they want to see in order to justify their “ugly truth;” they just can’t imagine electing a black man, qualified or not, to the office of President of the United States.
I hear people, particularly black people, making comments along the lines of this one:
People see what they want to see in order to justify their “ugly truth”: they just can’t imagine electing a black man, qualified or not, to the office of President of the United States.
I think too many people are off track on this. That’s not the ugly truth.
The real “ugly truth” is that many Americans aren’t honest enough with themselves to be able to trust themselves enough to be able to recognize real truth when they see it.
The reason people aren’t honest with themselves is that it’s often frightening to do that. People don’t want to know what they might find, even inside of themselves.
Some people, that is. Others, are eager to find out. Those that are, are more likely to appreciate someone who brings out the most in them.
But, the determining factor is not a black or white thing. Anyone who thinks it is … is not only missing the point but also most likely has some kind of self-worth issues. You know, they have to blame something external for why they don’t yet have what they don’t have yet, when the real reason is internal.
That’s why people don’t want to go there. But there’s a way to get out of that loop.
First, realize that the feeling of triumph over adversity feels great because it’s human nature to desire that feeling. That’s why it feels great to accomplish something that you didn’t at first think you could.
In other words, what’s so great about doing something you know you can do? That’s no accomplishment. As Chris Rock says, “That’s what your supposed to do!”
But many people — both black and white — don’t have any “dreams” of this type because they automatically assumed (once) that they couldn’t achieve them anyway, so why bother having them?
These kinds of people look at others who “do” have dreams through a cloud of cynicism or negativity. People who won’t dream can’t stand people who dream, because seeing someone like that smacks them in their own face with their own lack of self-trust due to lack of self-honesty.
But when you ask those people what they love to do, they always have an answer.
Probably, no one has asked them that question in a long time. They haven’t attracted that kind of a question because they haven’t even asked “themselves” that kind of a question.
So if you ask someone that and they say, “I love photography,” then you might respond with, “Have you ever shown your work?” Then a person like might say, “No, because there are thousands of photographers.”
Yet, that same person wants their kids to go to college. They wouldn’t tell their kids, “Don’t bother applying to college because thousands of people apply!”
But yet they do that very disservice to their own selves!
So, it starts with asking each other, and therefore ourselves, “What do you love to do?” That very thing is the thing that you “didn’t think you could do” but which, if you accomplish it, will have the biggest reward.
Not only that, but let’s say you don’t accomplish it. You’re guaranteed to have a “helluva great time” along the way, because you loved what you were doing! It’s a winning situation! There’s no down side.
But we have to practice compassion in dealing with people like this. It doesn’t help at all to insult them, talk down to them, or use logic. Love has nothing to do with logic.
Someone has to do the “work” of appealing to human nature, putting an arm around a person, either literally or figuratively, and then helping them to identify and see things from this new perspective.
What people say they “want” isn’t always what they say they would “love.” What they “want” might bring them results, but what they would “love” will bring them joy. And that’s after all the biggest reward.
It’s what we ought to be teaching our children. It’s what most of the supporters of Senator Obama already know, whether they can articulate it or not.
Many of them come from a generation of possibilities. They know no fear. Therefore, anything’s possible. And, if you believe that, then it becomes true.
So, getting back to the “ugly truth” theory.
To believe that is a disservice to you. If you say that, then deep down you’re telling yourself that you have no power because you can’t control what other people think of your favorite candidate, or you’re telling yourself deep down that you wish he weren’t black because then he’d be perfect.
If you find yourself resisting these thoughts, stop for a second and allow them to sink in. Then you’ll realize, it’s not about the candidate and it’s not about race. It’s about people facing their own deepest fears.
It’s probably about you trusting yourself. It’s probably about you allowing yourself to love something again.
Hi Claude,
As a woman of African descent (Antillean) living in Europe, together with my husband and our two sons (mullatos as yourself) I have stumbled upon your blog some time ago and have your blog on my list of favorites.
I have been reading some of your posts for some time and I now feel compelled to give a comment and let you know about me. I like your blog, but I am not a Basket Ball fan. I am a tennis fan.
I like your son’s question and also your answer to that question.
About this post: Why call it “ugly thruth”? Why not see it as people’s own reality?
Ugly gives it a negative connotation.
It’s the Basic Law of Existence here. “We see only that which we are”.
We are the product of our history, how we are conditioned and our experiences.
Not everybody is aware of the fact that we can all focus on our own reality, regardless of appearences. As it should be.
We are not conditioned to allow our self to do so and it is very,very difficult to do this.
You and I can say I did too, have gone through some developments, not everybody has yet gone through. I have a book I want to recommend to you.
It is written by Frantz Fanon and the title of the book is Black skin,white masks.
I think you would find it interesting and very teachable.
We cannot help being who we are, why speak negative about it?
I would like to close this post with a quote from Einstein.
(You cannot solve the problem with the same mindset that created it.)
Most people are not even aware of this and are not there yet.
Maybe it is our task to bring this awareness to them. Like you’re doing with your son.
PS. I stumbled upon your blog because of the song title “Am I black enough for you?” I can relate to that. (I am a Baby Boomer and I am a black woman.)
Don’t mind my English too much, it is not my native language, but I hope that I managed to be clear here.
Deana
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Dear Deana,
Thank you very much for sharing your point of view. I really appreciate the perspectives you offered.
Here are a couple of comments.
The term “mulatto” is old-fashioned and out-dated in America, and some would even be offended by it, as it is slavery terminology that survived through the Jim Crow era. Most people today say “mixed race” or “bi-racial” or something like that.
I agree with Einstein (!) and so it is necessary to change the mindset. Part of what the Black Fives Blog is all about is getting people to evolve their thinking.
I’d heard of “Black Skin, White Masks” and I appreciate you’re recommending that book. On first impression, that approach seems OK, but I would still go even “deeper” into the situation by asking if there is any such thing as racism in the first place … rather than just simply “not enough to think about” on the one hand, or the desire to control on the other.
In other words, progress moves forward. The world moves forward. Even without slavery we would be the descendants of African or Asian nomads that made their way to this continent or to another. So, I ask people sometimes, do you care what “color” your great great great great great great grandchildren will be? If not, then why do you care about “color” today?
“We are not conditioned” is not a prerequisite or excuse for any future effort, or lack of effort. It’s merely a starting point. “We are a product of our history” is also only partly true. What matters more is the desire to get from Point A to point B. In other words, there are many ways to overcome conditioning, or lack of conditioning, once the desire is there.
The more accurate statement then becomes, “We are the product of our future.” Which brings us back to my son’s question, “Am I just imagining my whole life?”
Thank you very much, Deana, for inspiring further thought on this topic!
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Wow Claude,what a surprise for me. I didn’t expect you to post a reply on my comment that quick. It is much appreciated though.
But no need to tell you that I did hope so, otherwise I wouldn’t have been checking your blog for a possible reply within 24 hours.
Thank you for your reply and for taking your time to go deeper in my thought I’ve put in my post.
Also I want to thank you for sharing the information about how people experience the word “mullato” in the USA nowadays. Good to know that.
As I told you, I live in Europe and I have one of the beuatiful Caribbean Island as my native Island. Have you ever been in the Caribbean, by the way?
Thank you for sharing these info.
I can relate to must of what you wrote, but I can’t help thinking that not every child and adults too have been handed the awereness of what they can do with their life all by them selves. At least not in my world I grew up in. And my yongest brother is a teacher there and he tells me about the generation in school right now.
But I cannot write all I want to say to comment on what you wrote. I think here is not the appropiate place for that kind of discussion. And it can be a very long post.
But I would like to finish my post with the quote of a passage in the classic book by Napoleon Hill. I see this passage quoted so many time in different places when people are talking about, making one’s own decision, regardless of what other around them think and say.
And when people write about self-esteem etc.
I used to be one of these people this quote is talking about. And I was lucky that there was somebody when I was growing up, an adult who kept handing me the idea that I can make up my own mind and change my future completely if I want to. And I did. It was not easy.
But now I can look back and say that I have lived my life pretty much by my own design and not by default.
And what I mean to say is that not everybody is handed that idea that they can change their life by making their own decision to where they want to go with their future. First there has to be that awereness.
To close here is the passage I was talking about:
“Close friends and relatives, while not meaning to do so, often handicap one through “opinions” and sometimes through ridicule, which is meant to be humorous. Thousands of men and woman carry inferiority complexes with them all through life, because some well-meaning but ignorant person destroyed their confidence through “opinions” or ridicule.”
(Nalopleon Hill in his classic- Think and Grow Rich-)
I am learning so much things in life whereby I ask my self why are we not teached these things in school. We need these in real life so badly!.
And what I meant to say is that not everybody is handed the awareness of the fact that they can practically design their own future.
Thank you too Claude, for your reply.
As you can imagine this is a topic that is very important in my own family too, with two sons of 18 and 20 years. Who turned out to be good brothers to each other, but who see them selves completely different from the other.
That is ok with me, but I want both of them to be aware of how they are perceived by the world they live in too, so they know how to handle it. And understand why people do what they do or say what they say to them.
But to focus to be aware of their own truth, regardless of appearances and what others say and think. It is not easy. But it is worth work on.
Have a nice day and please receive my virtual greetings.
Deana
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