Half-apologies are worse than no apology at all because they leave the residue of unresolved negative emotions. With no apology you can at least still seek one.
I want to bring up the subject of how to apologize, even though I’ve written about this topic before.
In light of new information I shared last week about the concept known as the pain-body, being able to resolve negative emotions as quickly as possible is more important now than ever.
Resolving negative emotions right now can start with a simple apology.
This goes both ways. That is, it benefits the apologizer as well as the aplogizee.
First, do you know what I mean by “half-apologize”?
It’s when someone says, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Or if they say, “I could have calibrated those words differently.”
Neither of those are FULL apologies. And there are many other examples, of course.
Not only that. A half-apology is worse than no apology.
That’s because half-apologies leave the residue of unresolved negative emotions — they add to the pain-body.
At least with no apology you can still seek a real apology.
To apologize properly, and FULLY, follow these 5 easy steps:
Yes, it’s THAT simple.
Even a kid could do it.
Try it.
You’ll soon learn how to give and receive proper apologies.
Better yet, download this printable “How To Apologize FULLY” poster and tape it to your refrigerator, bulletin board, office door, bathroom mirror, or anywhere else where you and others (like your kids, co-workers, spouse) will SEE it and READ it!
One of my pet peeves is what I call a “contigent” apology. As example is Justin Timberlake’s apology after the Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” in the Super Bowl several years ago. He said something along the lines of, “I apologize IF you are offended.” This is not a “full” apology.
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Good stuff on the apologize article.
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Look…what you are referring to is the Cambridge incident…I think. Here’s an older professor who generally calls all the shots in the classroom and confronts a younger man who’s following the rules given to him through his training. He’s got some seniority. The prof could have simply said, “Look, let me explain my feelings about what’s happening and we’ll go from there. I understand that there could be some concern about two men trying to open a front door”, instead, the old prof came back with a barrage of words not acceptable to any cop. I got a big kick watching Obama and Biden emptying out the peanut jar while the other two were trying to dialog. I really don’t think the prof will ever give in to sensibility..it’s his way or the highway. The Italians have a great way by saying..”Fo-get-about-it !!!”
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OUTSTANDING! Thank you for the insights. There are so many half-apologies issued all the time. Apologies must be unconditional. The only thing worse than the half-apology is the insincere apology. The kind we commonly get from professional athletes. Those are the apologies which really mean, “I’m not sorry for what I did, I’m sorry I got caught.”
Claude, as always, you bring great topics to the table . . . topics we should all discuss and take to heart.
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When I taught Six Sigma and we dealt with handling customer issues, I would stress the following 3-step process which also has worked well personally:
1. Fix the person
2. Fix the problem
3. Fix the process
Rationale — You ticked someone off so they first thing you need to do is to get that person/ company to be in the proper mindset to accept whatever restitution you were going to offer. Then, you don’t want to just prevent the mistake from happening again (fixing the process), but you actually want to fix the problem/ issue/ perceived slight. Then you fix the process.
If you do it out of order or miss a step, you are only slightly better off than if you hadn’t tried to apologize at all.
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Claude,
This simple poster will be a welcome addition to my household! I stress the importance of making things right when you have come into the knowledge that you have wronged someone. My wife will be made aware that this is no a household plaque. Ha!
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