Check out this book. How To Raise A Gentleman: A Civilized Guide To Helping Your Son Through His Uncivilized Childhood The gold leafed, gold embossed Brooks Brothers version. Here’s why. First, it’s a simple guide for how to show good manners, kindness and respect. Therefore, it’s a great investment whether you have kids or not, [...]
Check out this book.
How To Raise A Gentleman: A Civilized Guide To Helping Your Son Through His Uncivilized Childhood
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Here’s why.
First, it’s a simple guide for how to show good manners, kindness and respect.
Therefore, it’s a great investment whether you have kids or not, and even whether or not you have sons.
Because, if you have daughters then you’ll want them to know how to identify a gentleman.
And if you don’t have kids then it’ll make a wonderful gift for anyone who’s expecting or has a newborn baby boy.
I discovered this book, by Kay West, only recently, one day while visiting our local Brooks Brothers store to look at some button down shirts they had on sale there.
A few copies were at the counter, so I picked one up.
The Brooks Brothers version has a bonus section called “26 Things To Remember,” so I decided to read these to my three sons — with short explanations — after dinner the other day:
At this point my 9-year-old asked, “Shouldn’t it be called ‘How To Raise A Parent’?” He’s right, of course.
I’ll continue:
My 7-year-old wanted to know whether the book meant that parents should not give in to temper tantrums, or kids? Of course, he’s right in asking.
Here, it was a great opportunity for me to go fishing, so I asked, “Does Daddy admit when he’s wrong?” They looked at each other, paused for a moment, and then all agreed that I do. To my great relief.
This last one was interesting to my kids, because in school, they reported not long ago, some children were saying “Obama stinks!” So, they came home asking me if they could say “McCain stinks!”
I explained it would be better if they described what they like about Obama instead. And then they could ask those kids in school to explain what they in turn like about McCain. Then maybe everybody would learn something.
By the way I asked if there were any school kids going around saying, “McCain stinks” and they said, “no.”
For the record, voters in the Town of Greenwich were virtually evenly split in 2004, Bush having a slight advantage over Kerry. And Obama won Greenwich against Clinton in the 2008 presidential primary by a good margin, with record voter turnout.
I continued:
Well, alrighty then.
Just for curiosity (and nothing more) I checked to see what it says under “Introductions, Greetings, and Leavings.” Here’s one snippet:
As a boy matures, it is most important to teach him the value of standing up straight, making eye contact, and speaking clearly. Slouching about and looking down at the floor or at an area somewhere over the introductee’s shoulder implies that the young man is bored, has something to hide, or has something more important holding his interest. Eye contact is not a staring contest; it only takes two or three seconds, but the impression lasts much longer.
Indeed.
Check out this book if you can. I like it because it’s written in an old-school style, it’s easy to read, and it’s brief.
The Brooks Brothers version is so attractive you could use it as a prop.
But read it too. It’s probably more valuable for parents than it is for kids.
The gold leafed, gold embossed
I will pick it up today
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Claude, I’m beginning to sound like a puppet, but as usual, you’ve crossed paths with another winner. I’m going to purchase a few copies of the book and give them out this Kwanzaa season. I’ll sit my grandson down and go over the line topics and ask for his opinion on the themes.
Once again, thanks for doing it the “Blackfives” way. Keep on doing your excellent teaching and as Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. use to sign off with, “keep the faith Baby!”
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Sounds like a winner
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Hello Claude – Excellent suggestion as required reading for all our young men and quite a few older ones as well.
Speaking of a true gentleman, read this wonderful piece by a Republican about our main man, and nod your head silently with pride.
All the best,
LMR
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While I love the title and ideas behind the book, and certainly agree with the majority of what I read, I also have some issues I have to vehemently disagree on.
First, I disagree with this line.
“Do not correct any child, other than your own, on his manners, and always do that privately.”
I was raised in an era, (early 60s and 1970s) when it was perfectly fine for an adult to not only correct another person’s child – but also discipline them – in public – and that tactic caused a ton of people my age (40+) to have manners and respect – instantly.
Next up:
“Do not lose your temper.”
If any child that was reared in the 60s or 70s had a dollar for every time one of our fine parents ‘lost their temper’ we’d all be filfthy rich righ now (lol).
Sometimes a situation calls for a parent to ‘lose their temper’ to let that child know ‘just how serious you are’.
Furthermore:
“Respect your child’s privacy and boundaries. Knock first.”
I VEHEMENTLY disagree with this one. Most parents of the 60s and 70s told their kids at a young age -decisively – when you own your own house, then you can lock all the doors you want.’ All ‘knocking first’ does is give the child time to hide something from their respective parent!
Other than these few issues, (so far) I am agreement with the majority of these parenting tips, which by the way, is what this book should be called, Parenting Tips For Today’s Adults.’ It also sounds like more of a guide for either gender and intimating the book is just for boys has likely severely limited its sales.
Just think, if you’re a parent of three girls and walk in the book store and see the title ‘How to raise a gentleman” you’re likely going to walk right by the book, thinking, ‘Oh that’s for boys.’
Last but not least, I can quickly say that there is no better book to rearing children – or adults – than the book of Proverbs. Having said that, I still believe the book is worthy of purchasing!! It’s too bad the majority of PARENTS these days have no interest in reading these types of child-rearing manuals.
Hopefully, we can reach the very young generation, (under 5) but as you can see, too many adults are poisioning their child’s respective minds with their own ideas, like (Obama Stinks) that we are likely too far gone to ever turn things around. We’d do better on preparing our children to live Godly lives than teaching manners. If you teach your child to emulate Jesus Christ, they’ll automatically have all the manners in the world. Thanks for the info though Claude!!!!
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I’m definitely definitely getting the book…especially with those two knuckleheads of mine ;)
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Thanks Claude, it sounds like something to put on my christmans list.
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Good stuff Claude and I feel what you’re saying. I must have been really fortunate then becuase not only did I have that ‘old-school’ upbringing, but I also had two terrific parents that sat me down afterwards and talked to me about all of the things you’re saying that your parents didn’t talk to you about.
My wife, however, just told me that her parents were nearly exactly like yours where they disciplined and went on their way without explaining too much at all. All I can say is I must have been very blessed to have, not only two ‘tough parents’ but two that really sat down and explained how things were supposed to be and what was and was not accecptable.
I think they did a fine job in this ‘all-around, old-school’ approach and it is the exact same method I have used to raise all seven of my children (5 girls, 2 boys).
Not one of my childen has ever come home with a ‘C’ on their respective report cards (true) and had better have those same ‘old-school’ manners I was raised with. I told each of my children at 4 years old just before kindergarten, that if they ever came home with a ‘C’ they would be coming home to the wrong household if you know what I mean. Some people have said to me, ‘wow, that’s kinda’ harsh isn’t it’ but I always say that when you demand excellence, that’s generally what you get. My oldest, 1 now, 22-year old daughter just had my first grand-child and my youngest , a 5-year-old boy, can literally, utspell most third graders anywhere. Of course, I just didn;t slap some school edict on them, but I also spent countless hours teaching them before they ever got in school so the foundation – and importance – of education was instilled in them before they ever set foot in school.
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Hey Eric, thanks for sharing that and congratulations on your success so far! I think if parents are always willing to learn, as well as teach, and then also to stay open, then everyone can have a great healthy time. I also think that kids are well equipped, even without getting taught “manners” from parents, to go about their lives successfully, even if it takes a while longer to learn certain things.
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Claude,
Thanks again for another great post. These guidelines aren’t just for parents or for boys or for girls looking for polite young men… I think they’re good reading for everyone and remind us to be courteous, considerate, respectful etc. –How many items on that list can we all honestly say we always do? Of course, nobody’s perfect! –We all need this and it makes the world a better place when applied. Just like the Sunday teachings of Church can send an entire congregation out to do good in the community and treat each other better… a regular reading of anything inspiring and well-intentioned that has a positive effect on how we interact is a good thing. No matter who’s religion or book it comes from (Something most religions find a hard time admitting). Good words Claude, keep ‘em coming!
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Once again Claude, you find a way to get in to the heart and soul of our culture, and our expectations about life. I love the way you gently reminded all of us how to behave, and how to raise our children (I see nothing wrong with teaching our daughters the same thing). It takes a community to raise a child and this is a great way to get community into the parents.
Claude, you ROCK! Thank you
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sounds like an excellent book, I’ll be sure to check it out.
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Claude, your insights are as helpful as they are enjoyable. Thank you for attempting to introduce a bit of civility back into our culture. A recent trip to London reminded me of just how rude many Americans are. We should all take the time to say “thank you,” and “please” at every opportunity. Proper manners cost nothing but pay boundless dividends.
Thanks again for always guiding others down a well-thought path.
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Hey Claude,
Thanks again for bringing to the forefront info to inspire dialogue. I think the bottom line is we need to communicate more. Don’t ya think?
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Claude, this is what is needed so badly in our society big time for all mothers, fathers, from all backgrounds…my mom gave me this book a while ago from her church called Boys to Men (A handbook for survival)…This book is off the chain man…if you want a copy I can send it you or anyone else who wants a copy, wait till you read this book…my email is ke7301@aol.com or kent.boone@us.army.mil…
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Hey Lew, first I love that you’re on this blog, man! Thank you! YOU! :-) Then, I can’t believe I missed that piece you cited because I’m on Huff all the time. I bookmarked that because it’s gotta go out to some of my Republican friends now. These are exciting times. Our whole country will be proud. We’re going (the whole world) into a new age (of Aquarius), whether willingly or kicking and screaming. So we might as well get over it, allow it, and — come on! — let’s enjoy it along the way! :-)
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Hey Eric,
I can appreciate your “old school” upbringing, and I definitely caught some very public slaps upside my head and face as a kid. :-) And I still loved my Mom no matter what ’til the end. However, I think that my parents didn’t talk to me enough about sh**. Like, just straight up talkin’ about essentials, basics, and with honesty back and forth. Since our parents didn’t do that, of course our lives were secret from theirs, and so they had to impose authoritarian rules like bustin’ the door open and beating our butts with a cooking spoon (for real!) or a stick. But that just made me build up a tolerance. Like, for instance, with my boys, they came home one day saying they “knew what the f-word was.” So I just explained to them that I know all about that word and so whenever they want to find out more about it, or how and when to use it, then they should just come to me. That’s how we do it. And I told them that in the meantime using that word is inappropriate for them for now. Meanwhile, I also keep explaining to them that it’s not the words, but the intention behind those words, that’s important. They were like, “OK!” And, that was the end of that. Our parents would have washed our mouths with soap, right?! I’ll not find out for along time if my approach is right. But I can live with it for now.
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Hey Geoff! Thank you, man. There’s one thing I forgot to mention, which is that I think these “rules” apply to wives trying to raise good gentlemen as husbands (or good husbands as gentlemen?) … LOL
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Claude, this is what is needed so badly in our society big time for all mothers, fathers, from all backgrounds…my mom gave me this book a while ago from her church called Boys to Men (A handbook for survival)…This book is off the chain man…if you want a copy I can send it you or anyone else who wants a copy, wait till you read this book…my email is ke7301@aol.com or kent.boone@us.army.mil…The author’s name is Dr. T. Garrot Benjamin
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