Lately, it seems like every week another African American pro athlete in the prime of their career self-destructs, or (sadly) worse. Why is that?
This gets detailed, but go easy on yourself and keep reading. It’s important. It applies to everyone.
You won’t hear so-called leaders talking about this: not politicians, not clergy, not educators, not business people, not bankers, not financial managers. And especially not commissioners, agents, team personnel, or player’s union execs.
So listen up …
Lately, it seems like every week another African American pro athlete in the prime of their career self-destructs, or (sadly) worse.
Why is that? (Not why that impression, but why the black pro?)
I believe I know why, and it’s for the same reasons every time.
The three main reasons are these:
1. Doubt about self-worth
2. Fear of success
3. Lack of a definite major purpose (vision)
In the black community, the first two are opposite sides of the same coin.
Let’s look at the affects of each of these.
Doubt About Self-Worth
Doubt about self-worth causes excessive need for approval and validation. This plays itself out in the need to overcompensate with material possessions and the flaunting of them.
Doubt about self-worth causes inability to receive abundance without guilt, because human nature won’t allow a mismatch between the level of abundance received and the level of self-worth one feels deep down.
The only way to reconcile this is to dilute or drain away such abundance until it matches the imagined level of one’s self-worth.
This explains why lottery winners return to being broke.
This explains why (I’m told on authority by someone formerly with the Retired NBA Players Association) 30% of all ex-NBA players retire broke.
This explains why so many celebrities unravel. Will Smith recently admitted he was broke during his first several years of “Fresh Prince” despite earning millions.
The public obviously has no sympathy for this and why should they? Which adds to the shame, and the need for more validation. And the cycle continues.
You suffer from doubt about your self-worth if you deny compliments instead of saying simply “thank you.”
You have doubt about your self worth if you need approval from your friends for the moves you make, instead of adding new friends that can help you be, do, or have what you REALLY want faster or more easily.
If you spend your energy trying to prove something to someone, instead of to yourself, by creating your own definite major purpose in life, then you suffer from doubt about your own self-worth.
If you spend your time trying to prove to your old friends that you still love them, so they won’t withdraw their approval and validation of you, because it was so hard to get it in the first place, then you have doubt about your self-worth.
People don’t hate people with wealth and fame. People hate people with wealth and fame who flaunt their wealth and fame as an antidote to their doubt about their own self-worth without appreciating that other people also have doubts about their own self-worth.
For many communities, especially along socio-economic lines, doubt about self-worth is built into the system. It’s built into the media and into school systems and into corporate America.
If you get this, then you’re nodding your head in agreement.
If you don’t, then you’re asking how someone with so much money they could buy whatever they want, or so much talent they could score at will (or knock out any opponent, outrun any defender, hit anybody’s fastball, etc.) can have any shred of doubt about their self-worth.
If you are in the latter group then you’re probably broke, or unhappy, or both. Because you don’t understand that true inner wealth has nothing to do with how much money or athletic talent someone has.
Related to this syndrome is lack of gratitude. Do you pick up pennies when you see them on the street? If you can’t appreciate a penny, or a compliment, or a kind gesture, how can you appreciate greater levels of abundance?
The remedy? Create for yourself a bigger vision. (See below.)
Fear of Success
It’s so difficult for people with unchecked doubt about their self-worth to finally achieve a certain level of approval and validation, that to risk that level, however small, is usually intolerable.
Success presents risks to this hard-fought approval and validation.
Why? Because most people would rather opt for the comfort zone of their status quo rather than face the idea that things will and must change as we get more of what we truly want in life.
You say you want to do something, or have something, or be someone, right? You want fame and fortune and success. You want to make history. But are you willing to do what it takes to get those things?
Are you willing to take the steps to get there, including looking closely at the blueprint of your relationship with success and wealth? Are you willing to recondition that blueprint?
If you’re not sure, don’t worry. Most people have never done that. Our conditioning started when we were kids. It was in the news, in our schools, on television shows, in magazines, at work. It didn’t happen overnight.
But the good news is that the remedy can happen overnight. It has to do with having a definite major purpose.
Lack Of Definite Major Purpose
Highly successful people wake up with fears and doubts. The difference is that those who truly succeed (inner wealth as well as outer wealth) know how to act in spite of those feelings.
How do they do it?
They create a definite major purpose in their lives.
I’m not talking about just having kids, or getting married, or taking on a “big project,” although those things help.
I’m talking about envisioning something so huge that it goes just barely beyond what you think is possible in your wildest imagination.
Except that it IS possible or else you wouldn’t be able to imagine it.
Humans can’t do that. They can’t imagine something that isn’t possible. It’s, well, impossible.
Having a definite major purpose is what gets us up in the morning. It’s why we do what we do.
Having a definite major purpose keeps all those petty speed bumps from distracting or derailing us. We don’t get upset every time someone says “boo.”
Mo’ money, mo’ problems is only true if you can’t figure out how to address fear of success and doubt about self-worth.
The way wholly successful people address that is to create BIG, MASSIVE visions for themselves that include how they will affect other people’s lives.
For example, the question might be, “What are you trying to do THROUGH basketball? THROUGH football?”
Is the goal just to make the team? Make the league? make the first round?
Do you only go TO the finish line? Or can you go THROUGH the finish line as every high school track coach commands?
Homework #1: Ask someone who you think is wholly successful, if they ever have fears or doubts, and how they manage them.
Homework #2: Ask them to explain the secret to their success and see if they mention what they are trying to achieve “through” their work, not the work itself.
Homework #3: Write down on a piece of paper the definite major purpose you want to achieve, including the things you really want to have, be or do in your life, and how those will change other people’s lives. Also tell 3 people verbally.
Anyone Can Apply This
You can probably tell that this way of thinking doesn’t apply only to athletes. It applies to all of us, doesn’t it?
Parents, instead of pushing your kids to achieve a particular thing (get TO the finish line), encourage them to envision something much bigger that will be enabled if they do that. And the next thing.
Kids, if your friends don’t support your massive vision, don’t get it, belittle it, make fun of it … then just add new friends who serve you better.
Notice I didn’t say “get rid of your old friends.” You know where they are and you can find them any time but you will likely outgrow them if they are not serving you (and you them) and if you are serious about getting the things you say you want.
Tools That Help
Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
Speedwealth by T. Harv Eker
Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker
The Science of Success by James Ray
The Secret, a film
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
My Story
I’m qualified to talk about this through my own personal experience.
I’m really smart, and I work really hard.
But that never really seemed to get me jack sh–. Not looking at my bank account anyway (and other results).
So for most of my life I believed that:
Subconsciously needing to be “right,” I was, of course, always broke.
Despite having great jobs and a long career of steady advancement in corporate America, I was always broke.
Even after starting this company, Black Fives, creating a line of throwback jerseys that reached national distribution in the best urban and sports clothing stores, I was … still broke.
In fact, at one point during my wholesale jersey business I was facing bankruptcy and divorce.
I couldn’t drive my kids to the park on the weekend because I only had enough gas in the tank to get to my office on Monday.
To the outside, and to our kids, my wife and I acted like the perfect couple, like nothing was wrong.
But one day my then-5-year-old son gave me something, a picture of a $3,000 bill he had drawn and cut out.
He knew what was up.
He gave it to me, he said, because he thought it would help.
That’s when I swore that something had to change. EVERYTHING had to change.
Within a week, out of the blue, my sister gave me a book called Speedwealth, which led me to this other book called Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, which led to take all these courses (and others) about understanding one’s financial success blueprint and reprogramming for better results.
Six weeks later I got a call from Nike. They wondered would I be interested in a licensing deal with them. I said “yes.”
Coincidence? I think not.
My life has changed since then. (My wife and I even renewed our vows.)
But I first had to discover that I suffered from those same three things: fear of success, doubt about my self-worth, and the lack of a major vision.
I still wake up with that fear and that doubt every morning.
But I’ve since learned that every highly successful person wakes up with fears and doubts. The difference is that those who succeed know how to act in spite of those feelings.
How? By having a definite major purpose, a huge vision. You can find out more about my definite major purpose here.
My mission in life is to teach, enlighten, and inspire people. I would be doing that with or without Black Fives.
Please let me know what you think of this topic.
And what you’re doing today to make history now!
Please donate. Your generous tax-deductible donation helps the Black Fives Foundation use this history to teach life lessons relevant today! Thank you!
Obviously, the question requires a complex answer. However, the idea about self-destructing has to be defined, and I haven’t seen it clearly defined yet. Fame and fortune (if that’s what we are talking about) seems to affect most people adversely, not just Black athletes (I’d hate to see what the people with REAL MONEY are doing in their off time)…unfortunately, white supremacy uses the mass media (it’s laregst tool) to exploit these young people, building them up only to take them down with impunity. We’d be very naive to think that white athletes (hence, white folk period…) get villified like we do. Many of our young Black athletes don’t have the “cultural capital” that white people (who also make the rules) bring to the table, because that is not our experience. (i.e. we’re asking young Black athetes, largely from working class backgrounds, whose focus is athletic supremacy, to bring a middle-class presentation…even though they’ll highlight certain elements of poverty and Hip Hop culture to sell their product – it’s a no-win situation for us). I’ll make it simpler: they want us to “act Black” when it sells, then villify us because we’re not “acting white enough” (??). Make no mistake: that’s the undertone to these stories about our young Black athletes, who take care of their families, their mothers, their friends, do countless charitable things, etc. (which rarely get mentioned) – it is a relentless assault against these athletes who are “making all that money…!”, which is why they’ll implement a rule in the NBA which disallows players from entering from high school (even though some of the best players came directly from high school), but no intention of implementing the same rule in golf or tennis, for example, because they know who enters those sports.
Of course, this is not justifying the wrong things athletes (including Black ones) do. But we need to analyze the history of how we (including our athletes) are presented to the world – through the narrow lens of white supremacy. Research Jack Johnson’s story, Muhammad Ali’s story, Kareem’s story…these men were constantly assaulted by the media until their power was taken and/or they were made palatable to white folk and those like-minded – being a student of history (both literally and figuratively), I don’t get fooled easily by these stories of Michael Vick, when he lives in a country where white folk hunt all the time…again, I’m not justifying the behaviour, but I won’t throw the book at him neither – kills me that America is so passionate about their dogs….wow! The hypocrisy is punishing. Will Roger Clemens get the same hate as Bonds? If Iverson didn’t have braids, would he be Steve Nash? Good thing there is no double standard for Black athletes, eh….?
Our people are still dealing with alot of pain (i.e. slavery and its legacy), and this unfortunately translates into some foul behaviour and actions – these young men need opportunities to develop into more “responsible” individuals, and perhaps if that was part of their development from the outset (as opposed to the capital-making machine they’re transformed into), there wouldn’t be as many of these sad stories.
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Malik you hit a lot of things right on target, pointing out that we need to define what we’re talking about, and observing that fame and fortune affects not just black athletes but most people adversely. By the way, why do you think that is?
Meanwhile, I don’t resent “people with REAL MONEY” and the “capital-making machine” because I want to be one of them, don’t we all? In a balanced way? But won’t it be real hard to become something we want if we resent it at the same time? Don’t you want to own a machine that manufactures real money?? Imagine what you could do with that in terms of helping people!
And I don’t even bother with the idea of “white supremacy” because there’s no such thing otherwise you have to embrace black “non-supremacy” and that would be just as silly. I do acknowledge that some people are more ignorant than others, but this goes both ways.
No doubt we need to check and correct bias whenever it appears.
And yes, (some) young black men “need opportunities” to develop responsibility, but from whom? Probably from people who are conscious enough and dedicated enough to make a difference. But who might that be? Who is responsible for “their” development? I say “we” are. We ARE “them”. There is no “they”! No one transforms someone else into a capital-making machine. We get on that ourselves. Don’t we? Some of us just need to do it more consciously, right?
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I think Ming Wong is perhaps the point of view that most reflects the history and nature of the sports infrastructure that propels the athletes we are discussing into the public light. The infrastructure is quite contaminated with adults who do not act as surrogate fathers or mothers for these kids in their developing years. Instead, many of these coaches see these young people as a means toward their coaching goals.
I am disappointed by many of the comments that want to look at this issue in a clinical fashion rather than stepping back in realizing that the sports product that entertains you everyday is a product of a contaminated “amateur” athletic infrastructure. The athlete is the product produced by policies and practices of youth sports leagues, high school football associations and the NCAA. Each of these organizations has abandoned their fiduciary responsibility to advance these athletes academically, socially and emotionally. They are failing in this area and few are taking them to task. Do not expect the athletes to to do it.
The game has changed and we have not changed our tactics for protecting athletes. The money and power behind these amateur athletic associations tells us we need alternative infrastructure to put the value system in place for these young people so that they do not destruct . We need creativity for these young people not analysis.
I left the professional leagues out of the equation because they are looking for pure talent and do not have a fiduciary responsibility. However, the agent and the player unions do have some responsibility to their client/member. Moreover, we have more carnage to reclaim when our athletes dreams are dashed at the high school level.
My contribution is based upon personal experience as a social activist, black athlete, college graduate, teenage father, single parent, corporate executive, professional athlete, entrepreneur, world traveler and one who believes that there no such thing as a bad kid. We need SETA (Society for the Ethical Treatment of Athletes)
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Claude….love your response, and it is on-point – makes me think and I love that! I agree with you…we ARE those people, and I agree with your response for sure…when I talked about “real” money, I was referring to the people who, as Chris Rock says, “signs Shaq’s cheques…”, referring to significantly increased wealth, and those people are rarely scrutinized like our athletes, yet I’m sure their “behaviours” are perhaps even more “foul” then the stories we constantly hear about us through mass media. When I talk about “white supremacy”, I am referring to an historical legacy of a complex system that works to try to keep “whiteness” supreme and everything else under it (see Malcolm X and his analysis of the world-wide Babylonian system), and I’m saying that it’s system produces exactly what it intends to (especially when you see the “rise and fall” of Black athletes) – regardless, you are making me think and therefore act, and I appreciate it, and all the work you do – we gotta get you back to Halifax!!! One…
malik
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Claude,
It is rare that someone such as yourself would share of the “realness” that comes with your success. I have felt that, I do feel that way however I am very aware that there is a higher purpose that will guide me when I am ready. That is not to say that I walk around feeling self hatred or that I fear success. For me it’s that I’ve always thought that I was here for a greater purpose and I am aware that I will be ready when that purpose arrives. It already has in terms of the lives I’ve touched through teaching and education. I do know that as black people and certainly in a North American context we spend way too much time worrying about what we don’t have vs. what we do because there will always be someone with more money and more homes etc… I know I have everything that I need and not necessarily everything that I want. I am sure that I will have what I want as well. I see young black students everyday self destruct because of the things you speak of. I have had many white educators speak of students in terms being a jerk, lazy, not coming to class etc. I tell them and it takes time to sink in that the students are afraid of what’s facing them and that it’s a daunting task. The collective reality for us as black people is that more of us mentor and share our realities because we have been asked to walk around like nothing’s wrong (white folks included) for far too long.
Your website can change many minds. You are doing a great thing.
Your Scotian Homie’,
Wade Smith
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Hey Wade, I appreciate the love, thank you, and you make great points. Have you ever considered (just to push things along a bit) that you’re guided by a higher purpose which has already arrived and which is here whether or not you’re ready? You’re already doing big things and I believe you’re an inspiration for many! I mean, you’re inspiring to me, man!
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PS – I’m planning a write up soon of the blackness of Halifax, Nova Scotia, where I can’t wait to return in May for your Provincial Black Basketball Association annual invitational.
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Great point! I believe I am ready and have been I just want to capitalize on things and see things a little clearer. I feel “foggy” sometimes. People like you help me see things clearly. As much as I love being Scotian, Nova Scotia (New Scotland) wears you out!
See you in May. Carve out some time for me.
Scotian Homie.
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[...] I’ve written about this before, particularly as it relates to the self-destruction of seemingly successful people (black athletes, in my example). [...]
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[...] Mentality Why So Many Black Athletes Self-Destruct (And How To Avoid It) [...]
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[...] I’ve stated before (Why So Many Black Athletes Self-Destruct, And How To Avoid It), doubt about self worth and lack of purpose lie at the [...]
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Mr. Johnson,
I just ran across this old entry after pulling up information on the Princeton Sports Symposium. And, I HAD to reach out to you. Your points are on the mark. What you wrote about it, is what I have a passion for…helping athletes either not make the same mistakes as others or help soften the blow when they do.
I was also moved by your personal story. We share similar experiences and revelations. I invite you to visit my blog…http://www.mwprinsight.blogspot.com where you will find my opinion on recent incidents.
I plan on attending the symposium this year, as I want to expand my network and my PR business. I am now going to checkout some of the books you recommended…it is time for a readjustment.
Lastly, I enjoy your overall message of The Black Fives. I am a huge sports fan and more a huge fan of Black history.
Stay true…sincere regards,
Monica Wood
Owner/MWPR. Inc.
Creator/The Playbook: Mentoring Initiative
Co-Partner/Off-the-Field Branding: Professional and Personal Management, LLC
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The OJ saga of these many years ought to be a signal to all males, not just black ones.
Self destruction is not the way to power or progress or wealth.
All boys are subject to an unmerciful peer pressure to self destruct for the purpose of showing daring, bravery, or dominance – much to the chagrin of most women on the planet, many of whom are targets of that self destruction.
Boys and the men who guide them need to find a better way of measuring each other so that the casualties so unnecessary are not allowed to become the tolerated norm – so that boys will be allowed to be boys. Most boys grow up and are expected to be men, and upon that most women tend to rely so that there are quality husbands and fathers.
Why would men want it any other way except to join the herd of bulls doing what bulls are expected to do – which too often is to be channeled into the bull pen for slaughter. Herds rarely offer the independence of intellect, common sense, or self dignity and self esteem. But, will men ever learn, and why aren’t the ones who know teaching the others?
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